selfish

Yesterday I found this comment, on a recent post about how well my body was healing:

its always about YOU< YOU< YOU ...never the recipient..how selfish...

First reaction: I laughed. Out loud. How ridiculous that someone was complaining about me writing about me on my blog. And then, to call me selfish—when writing about the experience of donating an organ?

Second reaction: I'm pretty sure I know who wrote it. And had to laugh again at how someone can so bravely hide behind the cloak of anonymity. But meanness shines through.

Third: I was touched that my brother came to my defense, posting for the first time here. Thanks bro.

And I owe him another thanks for being so accepting about me sharing my experience here. Until somewhat recently he'd been exceedingly private about his health. I never really knew about the issues he'd been grappling with his entire life and just what caused them until we were adults. My family didn't discuss anything like that. It was all kept deeply hidden. When my brother and I started down this path I asked if he was ok with me writing it out. If he wanted to read what I wrote first—I never wanted to post anything he was uncomfortable with. He said no. My journey in this was mine to share however I wanted.

And I shared. This blog has been my outlet, my therapy, my solace during some of the most intense months of my life. I've found comfort, support, encouragement from people from real life and others I've never met. Not only that, I've heard my posts have helped others on this path. For me, especially right after surgery, it made a huge difference to hear from other donors who knew this. They'd been here. That I can be that to someone else is serious karma.

Selfish? Yeah, I can be selfish. We all can be. Have I been selfish here? Sure. I've spent countless time expressing my ideas, thoughts, fears. Anxiety, insecurity, pain. Joy, excitement, thrill. Gratitude. Appreciation. Amazement.

This is my story to tell. And that's all I set out to do.