fear is setting in

Ok. I'm scared. Even though the double cat scan tomorrow shouldn't be a big deal, I'm freaking out inside.

I hate that there's a chance, even if it's remote, that they'll find something terrible wrong with me.

I hate that no one asked me if I had my period before I gave this last urine sample, as menstruating totally taints the results.

I hate that I didn't know my period would alter the outcome after spending 3 years working on a book about menstruation.

I hate that I never knew how to properly give a urine sample and that there are no instructions at the lab. It wasn't until my 3rd test that someone explained the proper procedure.

I hate that I even had to write that.

I hate that the cat scans weren't postponed until my urine sample came back clean.

I hate that I don't know if it'll be clean tomorrow.

I hate that I'll have an IV and there will be some sort of heavy duty dye coursing through my veins.

I hate all the radiation that will be smashing into my body.

I hate not knowing that everything will be ok.

I hate when my glass empties on its own.

On the bright side, there's a great yarn store down the block from the hospital that I haven't been to yet.

I'll be shopping after pee-in-the-cup round 4 is over.