Thursday, April 28, 2011

living in the moment

I just called my transplant coordinator, the one person who's been a voice of calm in this crazy situation.  From the beginning she's been the one with the answers, the one who makes things happen, the one who's keeping things on a semblance of a track.

Her voicemail said she'd be out of the office for an extended period of time.

All I can do at this point is laugh. Ok, not really laugh, more like shrug my shoulders at how improbable this has all become.

Yesterday I got an email from the donor social worker wishing me the best of luck - she's heading out of the country on vacation for a couple of weeks.

And then, last night, as I was sitting in a Japanese restaurant in Princeton, NJ, on my way to talk FLOW with 10 women who'd bid on an evening talking with me, I got a text from my brother that we were facing another postponement.

Yup. You read it right. Another postponement. As I finished my pineapple fried rice and headed to an evening of menstrual chatting that I was mentally unprepared for, I found out the infection that he had last week was still on his system. He needs 6 more IV doses of antibiotics but will only be at dialysis 5 times until surgery.

Meanwhile, I was supposed to be up at the lab at 8 this morning for blood tests (vials 23, 24, and 25). I got a call from the hospital yesterday about yet more blood work that needs to be done. I'm supposed to spend next Tuesday uptown for pre-op testing.

And, at this point, I have no idea what's happening. Or who's in charge. Or when there will be an answer. Or if there's an answer to be had.

But, it's looking like the 9th isn't happening. That the blood I had drawn this morning was for nothing. Most important though is that my brother has to be in the best shape possible as he goes into surgery and he's not there yet.

He will be. We'll get there. No one said this would be easy. So, for now, it's just more breathing and patience and trusting that all will be fine in the end.

And in my heart, I know it will be.

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