My tests are done. My pee is clean. My blood is clear. My mental state had been deemed stable. My kidneys work really well.
I am healthy and ready for surgery.
But we don't have a date set yet.
My brother's insurance company won't pay for the transplant at the hospital he's been going to. The doctor is covered. The tests we've both been having have been covered. He's had procedures done there that have been covered.
But not this.
Shouldn't someone have realized this before? Before we went through all this testing, planning, wondering? I've been telling my kids about the fancy bakery downstairs they can stop in when they come to visit. I've mastered the subway ride. I know the security guys downstairs, the people in the lab, I found a great yarn store down the block.
I don't know. Nobody knows. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster that got stuck mid-ride. Something huge is bound to happen but I have no idea when. There was such momentum and now . . . nothing.
Nothing but paperwork and negotiations and alternative options. Maybe we'll get special dispensation to stay at this hospital. Maybe we'll have to start over somewhere else. All I know is that my brother needs a kidney soon. That the chest catheter he's using for dialysis is nothing but a short term solution. That I'm confronting major elective surgery myself but none of this really matters. It's all about contracts. And money.
Not health. Not quality of life. Not the emotional strain for either of us with this frustrating roadblock thrown into the already challenging road.
We are an anonymous case on someone's desk somewhere. Waiting for people who don't know us to make monumental decisions about our health and care. And we have no say.
But I have something to say. This sucks. I hate that we're at the mercy of a conglomerate. I hate that we have no voice, no choice, no hand. I hate that all there is to do right now is wait.
I haven't found the silver cloud in this yet. If anyone sees it, please let me know.