choices

We're on hold. Again. 

Still. 

My brother may now need a liver biopsy. The nephrologist needs to discuss things with the gastrointerologist, and once they figure out next steps, they'll let the transplant coordinators know who will pass on the information to us. 

Who knows when that will happen. 

And so, we wait. 

Last night I told my brother how badly I felt that things were delayed again. He said that for him it wasn't a big deal, that this is his life now. That he felt badly about how this was affecting me. 

The truth is, this is my life now too. I made this commitment. I'm in until the end. Yet again this reminds me of pregnancy - the unknowns, the waiting, the stress, the excitement, the unexpected things that come up, the emotional swings, the fear. And knowing it is what is until it's over. 

The difference is that my brother's not well and every day this is put off is another day he's not getting a chance to get better. For his body to stop fighting so hard. Maybe even to heal from all he's been dealing with. 

And for me to be able to help.