This time though, I'm letting it wash over me without getting swept away.
Freaking, panicking, getting angry, frustrated, upset, unnerved, anxious doesn't help. Trust me, I've tried them all on. And none of them make me feel better.
In yoga the other day I picked up two powerful words from two different women. OBSERVE from the one who'd been through a serious illness and had spent months teetering on the edge in the hospital. SURRENDER from the woman pregnant with her first child, facing more unknowns than she'd ever had.
Observe and surrender. Love them. LOVE them.
I'm also learning to let go of unwarranted expectations. Medicine is an imperfect science. In fact, when you find yourself smack in the middle of a situation, there doesn't seem to be anything scientific about any of it. It's messy and full of contradictions. Far more is about personal interpretation than you'd really want in such a serious situation.
Observe and surrender.
That's all there really is to do.
That, plus hold on tight to gratitude and a half-full attitude.
And there's always shopping.