Right now all I have to do is stay healthy. We're smack in the middle of a waiting game and at the end, I need to be in great shape.
You'd think that would be a given but it's not so easy.
My testing was done months ago and things can change. After making it through the entire winter without a cold I finally needed a course of antibiotics to vanquish a sinus infection that had taken up residence. The weather has been careening from freezing nights to flip flop days. I've come home, soaked to the bone, more than once in the past few weeks.
And, my general eat well and healthy mindset has gone out the window. I don't know that I could eat more pasta than I am now. How much hot chocolate can one person consume? Trail mix. Sweet potato chips. Vegan cupcakes slathered with creamy icing. Butter. I have the munchies and it's hard right now not to indulge.
I haven't been like this in longer than I can remember. I trained myself, hard, to control those desires, to not get lost in food as a way to soothe myself.
But I'm a bit lost here at the moment. There are too many decaf mochas in my day. Too many snacks. Too much time rifling through the kitchen for something that will fill the need that actually can't be filled.
And sliding back into that is not good for my body or my mental state.
It's hard, when nothing's happening, to act like something is. The reality though is that time passing is something happening and I need to get off my snacking butt and pull my act together.
I want my kidney to be in tip top form. I want my body to be as healthy as possible going in to surgery.
So maybe, just maybe, I cut down to one coffee drink a day. Find alternatives to noodles. Go back to embracing olive oil. And pass on indulging in chocolate desserts as often as possible.
I'm hoping early June we're back on track. And I'm back in shape.