good luck charms

Today I got to the BUST craftacular—a super cool, annual hand-made crafts expo—at 9:15, waiting, in often pouring rain, for an hour before getting in. But, I was with 3 of my favorite friends who happen to be the mothers of 3 of Iz's best friends so the grey day didn't put any sort of damper on anything.

Once I got in, I wandered, often by myself, through aisles and aisles bursting with creativity and expression.

It was stunning. And daunting. I was blown away, over and over, by the originality on display.

And yet, I bought nothing. No, not quite nothing. I bought amazingly perfect holiday gifts for people in my family who are impossible to find things for (should they be reading, I won't mention here what I found).

But nothing for me.

The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my skin, my life, the less I want.

I never thought that was even a possibility, but here I am.

Having for the sake of having doesn't work for me anymore.

Having said that, acquiring for a significant reason is still totally justifiable.

I realized what I want, what I need, is a good luck kidney charm. Something to wear all the time, to remind me to be present, to be strong, to stay grounded in this experience.

I was then on a mission.

There wasn't a kidney inspired piece of craft to be found. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be quite so literal.

I am now on a quest.

Having something like this to focus on helps me not get stuck in the dark places I could go with this. Like, for right now, what if I'm not a match. I'm gearing up to do this and in the next 2 weeks I could easily find out my journey is over.

I don't want to even consider that.

So searching for my charm was, is, what's going to help get me through the now.

I'm off to etsy . . .