Wednesday, April 6, 2011

someone turned on a light

I currently have 3 blogs, which is nothing short of ridiculous. This one, one that's more about writing and everyday life, and then one devoted to my newest project, Yogavotion. 

Occasionally I'll have a crossover post that'll work on 2 but this is the first time I can cover all 3 bases. 

Here it goes:

Lately, especially the past week or so, I've been so wrapped up in waiting - waiting for test results, for doctor appointments, for phone calls and updates and what's nexts, that I'd lost track of everything else. 

My creativity? All time low. My breath? On hiatus. All healing systems failed and I got smacked, hard, by a hardy sinus infection who doesn't know when to leave. 

I was living on the edge, that anxious, falling apart, having no control edge. 

It was terrifying to be there again. 

But, yesterday, one of my dearest friends was in town - I don't think I'd seen her in more than a year. Just being with her, being out of my drama for awhile, doing something completely different for a few hours, helped me find my center. 

Sometimes it's easy to fall into old habits, to throw our hands up and feel helpless against all that's out there. To forget that while yes, there's so much we don't control, we are powerful beings who can choose how we deal. 

We can breathe. 

We can find space. 

We can look inside and remember how to nurture ourselves. Could be writing, music, dance, baking. Could be hanging with a dear friend, organizing a dinner party. Whatever it takes to get us back into that flow. 

The keep is on our tracks. 

The other day, my brother asked me why I needed to freak out about all this. Wouldn't it be easier to just let it be and deal as it comes. I was so busy being the drama queen who is so much a part of me, I couldn't hear what he was saying. 

But, I get it. Drama doesn't help. Railing against what I can't control takes control and I lose myself. 

Maybe, just maybe, I can remember how to stay calm, to let go of how I've always reacted and ride out each new storm without jumping into a churning ocean. 

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